I Never Even Knew

     I have to admit I have not always been the best fire wife.  Just seemed like my husband was having the time of his life and getting paid for it while I was living like a single mom.  With five kids, I can't even count the number of school functions I've attended alone and angry that he wasn't there.  While he would talk about taking naps, jokes they played on each other, cooking and eating with the guys, playing basketball and watching movies, I was busy wiping noses and backsides, feeding finicky kids, and eating whatever I could scrape out of the bowls after the kids were done.  So lonely for an adult conversation, I longed for even a telemarketer to call!  (They probably put me on their own do not call list after I asked them how their kids were, where they were located, what the weather was like there and would they please call again tomorrow!)
     Until recently I thought I was alone in feeling this way.  Then I came across some other firefighter wives on twitter.  Suddenly I discovered I'm normal!  We all love our firefighter hero husbands.  And most of us have resented their jobs at one point or another.  But we are normal.
     Realizing that my fireman may have some down time at work, during a 24 hour shift he definitely needs it.  I know now how selfish I have been.  I know he would have loved to have been able to spend more time with me and our kids.  But he also saw things I didn't see.  Like a fleet of cars we would need in order to get those kids to school and college in the future (which is actually now our present).  While I got the bills from the mailbox, he knew that he had to get them paid.  I, of course, often reminded him of those bills.  Boy was I selfish.  I should have been enjoying our time together.  Instead I was making him miserable by bringing up the very reason he had to be away from us so much.
     At the beginning of my husband's career, we visited him at work almost every shift.  Carrying babies, dragging toddlers and preschoolers, off I'd go in the family truckster.   We would unload and overtake the fire station.  Little boys running everywhere and all wanting dad's attention.  We all craved his attention.  But since he had to work two jobs, we didn't get to see him much at all.  In fact, one evening after a way too long time without dad, our middle son (3 1/2 years old at the time) was so excited to see dad that he tried to balance on the clothes basket where dad was putting away his dirty uniforms.  Unfortunately he slipped off and broke his foot! 
     As years went by and kids got busier with sports and other school activities, the visits to the station greatly diminished.  In fact, we would go months and months without going at all.  Somehow I developed the idea that those guys didn't like us coming around anyway.  In my mind I had deduced that they not only didn't want me around but that they even made fun of me behind my back and to their wives.
     Then today.  Today.  We had some things to go over for the kids and hadn't had time so I went to the station.  Hadn't even planned to go inside but my husband wanted us to sit down and discuss some college stuff our daughter needed us to take care of.  Sitting at the dining table, we studied the information we had been given.  He had to leave the room briefly so I walked around, looking at their huge aquarium that housed turtles (pretty sure there were some fish in there the last time I visited....guess the turtles had a snack) and other points of interest.
     While perusing the notes on their fridge, something caught my eye.  It was a newspaper article announcing our 25th wedding anniversary two months ago!  There I was, on their fridge, staring back at myself!  Absolutely blew my mind!  When my husband returned to the room I asked him about it.  He smiled and explained that these were posted in many of the fire stations all over town!  I asked if they did that as a joke.  He said they did not.  That he had received congratulations after congratulations from co-workers.  One station in particular had gone all out in congratulating him on our anniversary. 
     What did I learn from this?  That I was wrong.  Dead wrong.  These guys really care about us.  They care about our marriage.  They care about our family.  I never even knew.  I never even thought it possible for that matter.  But now I know.  I'm smiling.  Blessed and thankful.