Have you ever noticed that when you declare something amazing the enemy attacks immediately? Well that’s what has happened to me this week. The enemy is just not as smart as he thinks he is though. His attack didn’t hurt me the way he thought it would. Oh it hurt my feelings. And it made me mad. But that silly enemy seems to forget Who is on my side.
This week I found myself attacked and blamed for something I did not do. People who have never met me have been accusing me of things I had nothing to do with. They were given false information and they ran with it. I got mad. I also prayed.
God reminds us that we must forgive. ‘Vengeance is mine’ says the Lord. That means I have to forgive my accusers and those who have falsely reported about me. God will take care of whatever punishment they should receive. But it doesn’t release me from my legal and civic duty to tell the truth. And I will do that. Tell the truth. Truth will prevail.
So while these people have been telling these crazy stories about me and calling them facts, they have actually been putting pieces of the puzzle together for me and not even realizing it. Odd I know. But their desire to harm me has helped me. For what ever reason they meant to hurt me. Use me to further themselves. Cover their own twisted lies. But God has, once again, taken what the enemy had planned for evil and used it for my good. He didn’t bring me this far to leave me!
“And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.”
Mark 11:25-26
Ok. So I have no choice. If I want fellowship with the Lord, I must forgive them. And I can tell you that I don’t want to give up one second of fellowship with my Lord! So, I forgive them. All of them. Some of them are hurting me while knowing the truth. Some are hurting me without knowing the truth. But I forgive them all just the same. And one day all will know the truth.
I feel badly for my accusers. They need Jesus. Dear Lord, I thank You for loving me. Thank You for forgiveness. Please use me to bring these people to You. They don’t know You or they wouldn’t be doing these things. Father let none of them perish but all come to know You as Savior and Lord. Amen.
Sunday, September 24, 2017
Sunday, September 17, 2017
What Next!!!!
What's next! Those two words are often the first thing out of our mouths after we experience difficulty after difficulty. Unfortunately we often find out just what is next and it's usually not good. However, after writing here in recent weeks about what I have been through in the last several years, I'm going to ask it anyway. But for a different reason.
Once I realized the truth about what had been going on in my life, as hard as it was going to be, it was time to start healing. Have you ever had surgery or maybe a broken bone and you required rehabilitation? Well this is kind of like that. Only it's something that you can't see. You can't touch where it hurts. And the pain sneaks up on you again and again without any warning.
But God. My God has a better plan. It is becoming more and more obvious that He has orchestrated an amazing healing for me. I am experiencing things like I never thought I would. Sometimes it's hard for me to believe it is real! I am so surprised by His mercies. And I guess I really shouldn't be. But after years and years of pain and heartache, I'm pretty sure He understands why I would occasionally expect the worst.
So when I ask the question 'What next?' I am not asking it to find out what horrible things are coming around the next corner. I am asking what is the next amazing thing God has in store for me! You see I have discovered that all of this is part of my healing. And while He is healing me, He has saved another person, created and restored relationships, and is doing something new for me practically every day.
What's next? Only He knows. But He tells me it will be for my good and His glory. Even when it looks dark and scary. I just have to wait and trust Him. Others may look at my life from the outside and still see a mess. But I know my God is creating a glorious unfolding. And when He has made me into what He wants me to be, taken all this stuff the devil meant for evil and used it for good, I'm going to be even more excited to ask 'what's next!'
While in the process of healing sometimes it gets really hard. The exercises can be painful. But have you ever thought about this..... Jesus never healed just one eye of a blind man. Jesus never healed just one leg of a paralyzed man. When He raised someone from the dead He didn't raise them into sickness but into life! That excites me! He's healing me completely!
So what does He have next for you? Maybe you should ask Him. You might just like the answer.
Once I realized the truth about what had been going on in my life, as hard as it was going to be, it was time to start healing. Have you ever had surgery or maybe a broken bone and you required rehabilitation? Well this is kind of like that. Only it's something that you can't see. You can't touch where it hurts. And the pain sneaks up on you again and again without any warning.
But God. My God has a better plan. It is becoming more and more obvious that He has orchestrated an amazing healing for me. I am experiencing things like I never thought I would. Sometimes it's hard for me to believe it is real! I am so surprised by His mercies. And I guess I really shouldn't be. But after years and years of pain and heartache, I'm pretty sure He understands why I would occasionally expect the worst.
So when I ask the question 'What next?' I am not asking it to find out what horrible things are coming around the next corner. I am asking what is the next amazing thing God has in store for me! You see I have discovered that all of this is part of my healing. And while He is healing me, He has saved another person, created and restored relationships, and is doing something new for me practically every day.
What's next? Only He knows. But He tells me it will be for my good and His glory. Even when it looks dark and scary. I just have to wait and trust Him. Others may look at my life from the outside and still see a mess. But I know my God is creating a glorious unfolding. And when He has made me into what He wants me to be, taken all this stuff the devil meant for evil and used it for good, I'm going to be even more excited to ask 'what's next!'
While in the process of healing sometimes it gets really hard. The exercises can be painful. But have you ever thought about this..... Jesus never healed just one eye of a blind man. Jesus never healed just one leg of a paralyzed man. When He raised someone from the dead He didn't raise them into sickness but into life! That excites me! He's healing me completely!
So what does He have next for you? Maybe you should ask Him. You might just like the answer.
Monday, September 11, 2017
Mama Hippo
"I'm sorry." "Well sorry isn't good enough!" Ever have this conversation with anyone? I have. I was the second person. Then I felt guilty. I mean, what if the other person really was sorry? So I regretted, apologized and repented, deciding never to say it again.
Then I learned something. Sometimes saying "I'm sorry" really isn't enough. You see, there is a difference in remorse over being caught and remorse that leads to repentance. If someone is just sorry because they got caught, they will figure out a way to do it again and hide it even better. If they are sorry and truly repent, they turn around, moving completely in the other direction in an effort to never do that same hurtful thing again.
I don't mean for this to be dark or sad. But I sure hope it can help somebody. These days I am constantly reminded that what the devil meant for evil, God is using for good! While I have had some really amazing days lately, there have been many over the years that were not so good.
You see, a few months ago I came to the end of my rope. After many many years of trying to right wrongs that weren't mine to right, I suddenly realized that I had become an enabler to my own abusers and accusers. I tried to set the right example. And pray for those people. But I got lost in the process. Almost to the point of disappearing.
After being diagnosed with PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder and Anxiety Disorder, I will admit I heard the words but they didn't sink in. It took a while. In fact there are days I still don't know that I really 'get it'. Sometimes I can't walk through a store alone or without at least having someone on the phone while I shop. I was never that way before. But some days now I smile and it comes from deep inside! I like those days.
One of the things I was instructed to do on my path to healing was to get mad. Wow. All these years I've been practicing NOT getting mad and now I'm supposed to get mad? How? I can't do that. But you know, the Bible does mention getting angry but not sinning. Could I do that? I don't know. I just don't know....
Then something happened. But first, let me tell you about the funny mama and baby hippopotamuses my kids got me for my birthday! When my middle son and I saw this adorable statue at Pier 1 about a month ago, I couldn't stop laughing! Partly because of it's a ridiculous price. And partly because they just were so cute! He snap chatted mom cracking up uncontrollably in public at these hippos. So of course when my birthday rolled around, nothing would do but for the kids get me these adorable hippos.
Now for some reason I did not realize that hippos were some of the world's most vicious predators. So after I was informed this I started thinking. I'm like a mama hippo! And you had better not mess with one of my babies.
Later that weekend, when I felt like my babies were under attack, the mama hippo inside me came out. I got mad. Boy did I get mad. And I attacked! I'm a mama hippo! Watch out! Wow. Who would ever think that that would be healing!
Did I feel remorse? Well it started to creep in. Then I remembered the truth. I am important to God. So are my kids. While I am to strive to be like the Lord, I'm reminded that He got angry once too. And He even expressed frustration. But He also forgives and moves forward. And for that I am completely grateful. I'm also enjoying being a mama hippo.
Then I learned something. Sometimes saying "I'm sorry" really isn't enough. You see, there is a difference in remorse over being caught and remorse that leads to repentance. If someone is just sorry because they got caught, they will figure out a way to do it again and hide it even better. If they are sorry and truly repent, they turn around, moving completely in the other direction in an effort to never do that same hurtful thing again.
I don't mean for this to be dark or sad. But I sure hope it can help somebody. These days I am constantly reminded that what the devil meant for evil, God is using for good! While I have had some really amazing days lately, there have been many over the years that were not so good.
You see, a few months ago I came to the end of my rope. After many many years of trying to right wrongs that weren't mine to right, I suddenly realized that I had become an enabler to my own abusers and accusers. I tried to set the right example. And pray for those people. But I got lost in the process. Almost to the point of disappearing.
After being diagnosed with PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder and Anxiety Disorder, I will admit I heard the words but they didn't sink in. It took a while. In fact there are days I still don't know that I really 'get it'. Sometimes I can't walk through a store alone or without at least having someone on the phone while I shop. I was never that way before. But some days now I smile and it comes from deep inside! I like those days.
One of the things I was instructed to do on my path to healing was to get mad. Wow. All these years I've been practicing NOT getting mad and now I'm supposed to get mad? How? I can't do that. But you know, the Bible does mention getting angry but not sinning. Could I do that? I don't know. I just don't know....
Then something happened. But first, let me tell you about the funny mama and baby hippopotamuses my kids got me for my birthday! When my middle son and I saw this adorable statue at Pier 1 about a month ago, I couldn't stop laughing! Partly because of it's a ridiculous price. And partly because they just were so cute! He snap chatted mom cracking up uncontrollably in public at these hippos. So of course when my birthday rolled around, nothing would do but for the kids get me these adorable hippos.
Now for some reason I did not realize that hippos were some of the world's most vicious predators. So after I was informed this I started thinking. I'm like a mama hippo! And you had better not mess with one of my babies.
Later that weekend, when I felt like my babies were under attack, the mama hippo inside me came out. I got mad. Boy did I get mad. And I attacked! I'm a mama hippo! Watch out! Wow. Who would ever think that that would be healing!
Did I feel remorse? Well it started to creep in. Then I remembered the truth. I am important to God. So are my kids. While I am to strive to be like the Lord, I'm reminded that He got angry once too. And He even expressed frustration. But He also forgives and moves forward. And for that I am completely grateful. I'm also enjoying being a mama hippo.
Monday, September 4, 2017
Truth Be Told
Have you ever found yourself wondering why it seems like you are getting hit from every side? Like you just can't catch a break? Like maybe you're even losing your mind because this just doesn't make sense at all? That has actually happened to me for the last several years. Until recently that is. When I found out what was going on.
It seems like every time I turned around someone was out to get me. Harass me. Say negative things about me that weren't true. Accuse me of things I never did. I was constantly cleaning up messes that I didn't make. Apologizing to people for things I didn't do. I will admit it has been a nightmare. But a few weeks ago I found out where it all started, and the light bulbs have been coming on and shining brightly ever since.
All these years, while I was busy wasting my energy being upset with those who were hurting me, what I didn't know was that someone else was telling all of them lies about me. And when I found out, it all started making sense. It hurt. But it made sense.
For many years I have wondered why certain people were constantly saying horrible things about me. They did all they could to make my life miserable. And I had never even met these people. I was harassed on social media, via texts and phone calls. Emails were hacked, a fake email was typed up to make it look like I had done something I hadn't. I shut down Facebook. At work and at home, while shopping or taking a walk, I was constantly on the lookout for someone to cause trouble. I'm currently dealing with anxiety issues because of it all.
Then came the day truth was told. You see someone had decided to hide their own actions by making me out to be the bad guy. It worked for a very long time. And those people who were lied to stayed mad at me while I stayed mad at them. I lived in misery, stuck between the lies of someone else and the people they told them to.
I prayed and prayed and prayed. I begged God for truth to overwhelm the situation. And finally it did. Proverbs 3:32 says “For the devious person is an abomination to the Lord, but the upright are in His confidence.” Wow. To be in His confidence----know His secret! How cool is that! I wanna be in on that, how about you? Sign me up for the upright team!
Obedience is my plan. Holiness is my desire. I want God to be glorified in my life. And what happens when someone does something to you behind your back? Well, “......behold, you have sinned against the Lord, and be sure your sin will find you out.”
Numbers 32:23b They won’t get away with it forever. Just wait. And trust the Lord.
It seems like every time I turned around someone was out to get me. Harass me. Say negative things about me that weren't true. Accuse me of things I never did. I was constantly cleaning up messes that I didn't make. Apologizing to people for things I didn't do. I will admit it has been a nightmare. But a few weeks ago I found out where it all started, and the light bulbs have been coming on and shining brightly ever since.
All these years, while I was busy wasting my energy being upset with those who were hurting me, what I didn't know was that someone else was telling all of them lies about me. And when I found out, it all started making sense. It hurt. But it made sense.
For many years I have wondered why certain people were constantly saying horrible things about me. They did all they could to make my life miserable. And I had never even met these people. I was harassed on social media, via texts and phone calls. Emails were hacked, a fake email was typed up to make it look like I had done something I hadn't. I shut down Facebook. At work and at home, while shopping or taking a walk, I was constantly on the lookout for someone to cause trouble. I'm currently dealing with anxiety issues because of it all.
Then came the day truth was told. You see someone had decided to hide their own actions by making me out to be the bad guy. It worked for a very long time. And those people who were lied to stayed mad at me while I stayed mad at them. I lived in misery, stuck between the lies of someone else and the people they told them to.
I prayed and prayed and prayed. I begged God for truth to overwhelm the situation. And finally it did. Proverbs 3:32 says “For the devious person is an abomination to the Lord, but the upright are in His confidence.” Wow. To be in His confidence----know His secret! How cool is that! I wanna be in on that, how about you? Sign me up for the upright team!
Obedience is my plan. Holiness is my desire. I want God to be glorified in my life. And what happens when someone does something to you behind your back? Well, “......behold, you have sinned against the Lord, and be sure your sin will find you out.”
Numbers 32:23b They won’t get away with it forever. Just wait. And trust the Lord.
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