Bitterness. What is your first thought? An unpleasant taste? Maybe. The Word tells us that to be sure no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble. (Hebrews 12:15). Bitterness has a dangerous root and produces poison fruit.
Now I know I usually write uplifting things. And we will get to that. I promise. But like one of my favorite verses "Where no oxen is the manger is clean, but much increase comes by the strength of the ox" (Proverbs 14:4) which has a literal meaning of 'you have to wade thru the manure to get to the milk', we will do a little wading first.
Ever know someone who just couldn't see what they were doing was wrong? Perhaps they even justify their actions because someone wronged them. They might even write off a whole group of people because of something that happened to them. How about the man who uses women? Look at his childhood. Was there an issue with the amount of love his mom gave him? How about the woman who sleeps with men other than her husband? Was she abused by her father or some other male family member? Without intervention, kids who grow up in these situations will become bitter. What's the root? Something that happened in his/her childhood that wasn't dealt with.
If that root is allowed to grow, it produces fruit. The bitter person may be happy at times. But seems anything can set them off. They may look normal on the outside but trouble is brewing on the inside. Often the bitter person is overly critical of others, especially those closest to them like their spouse or children. While a bitter person may appear happy, that root runs deep and so does the trouble within. The fruit produced from that root often defiles others and many, many times leads to immorality. After all, if the bitter person was abused or unloved, that's where the root began and of course they are going to produce the same type of fruit they experienced as children. And even more unfortunately they knowingly or unknowingly pass along this same bitterness to their own kids.
Now here's where the sweet part comes in. There is an answer to bitterness. It's about becoming conscious of our actions. It's about forgiveness. Ephesians 4:31-32 tells us "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." Forgiveness. Forgiveness is sweet. True, from the heart forgiveness.
When we think of forgiveness it seems we always focus on the one being forgiven. But let's focus for a moment on the bitter person who chooses to forgive. Forgiving quickly after an offense will not allow bitterness to even take root. But what about that person who has been bitter for a long time? That takes some work. It takes some faith. When the bitter person repents and gets serious about conquering bitterness, with God, all things are possible! It may take some time for the bitter person to become 'sweet', but obeying the Word and forgiving past hurts can and WILL change the future for that formerly bitter person.
Will this person be completely new? Yes! Will the devil bring up those past hurts and try to stir up bitterness. Yes he will. But the more forgiveness is practiced and past hurts are remembered with forgiveness instead of bitterness, healing will not only begin, it will prevail!
How do you kill the root of bitterness? How do you prevent bitterness from growing and continuing to the next generation? Forgiveness. Bitterness is absolutely killed with forgiveness. Sweet forgiveness
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Sunday, April 27, 2014
He Said Thanks
Reading blogs is not something my husband does on a regular basis. In fact, I'm pretty sure he rarely ever reads mine. So imagine my surprise yesterday when he told me he read my last post about praying for him and he even thanked me! Although he has told me to blog whatever I want to blog and post whatever pictures I want to post and tweet whatever I want to tweet, I wasn't sure how he would accept my blog about me praying for him. When he text me "I read it. Thanks" I couldn't help but ask if he was mad. He was not. :)
Praying for my husband also involves praying for myself. But before I can pray for myself, I have to make sure there is nothing unsettled in my heart about my husband. Am I showing him the respect like the Word instructs in Ephesians 5:33? It says "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Must respect. Wow. Not respect him if he deserves respect. Not respect him only if he does everything he's supposed to do. But I MUST respect him. As Stormie Omartian says in The Power of a Praying Wife "Give me Your heart for him, Lord, and help me to see him the way You see him."
Stormie continues to say that praying this way will free me to see his potential for greatness as opposed to his flaws. Love grows as we focus on the positive. Hmmm...maybe we could relate this to Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable---if anything is excellent or praiseworthy---think on such things". When we look at it that way......
Like I said in the last post, I long to be a Proverbs 31 woman. A truly good wife is the most precious treasure a man can find. I think I've failed. I know I've failed. Verse 11 says that "her husband depends on her and she never lets him down". Oh my. I have messed up. In verse 12 I see that "she is good to him every day of her life". Oh dear. I've only read a few verses and I'm in big trouble. So much work to do.
Without God I don't have what it takes. I can do nothing on my own. I must ask God's forgiveness. I must ask my husband's forgiveness. I must leave all my expectations at the cross. Otherwise I will continue to fail. There is no way I can become a Proverbs 31 woman by my own power. But I can do all things thru Christ who gives me strength!
Do you know my God? Would you like to? He is the great forgiver. To be like Him.....
Praying for my husband also involves praying for myself. But before I can pray for myself, I have to make sure there is nothing unsettled in my heart about my husband. Am I showing him the respect like the Word instructs in Ephesians 5:33? It says "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Must respect. Wow. Not respect him if he deserves respect. Not respect him only if he does everything he's supposed to do. But I MUST respect him. As Stormie Omartian says in The Power of a Praying Wife "Give me Your heart for him, Lord, and help me to see him the way You see him."
Stormie continues to say that praying this way will free me to see his potential for greatness as opposed to his flaws. Love grows as we focus on the positive. Hmmm...maybe we could relate this to Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable---if anything is excellent or praiseworthy---think on such things". When we look at it that way......
Like I said in the last post, I long to be a Proverbs 31 woman. A truly good wife is the most precious treasure a man can find. I think I've failed. I know I've failed. Verse 11 says that "her husband depends on her and she never lets him down". Oh my. I have messed up. In verse 12 I see that "she is good to him every day of her life". Oh dear. I've only read a few verses and I'm in big trouble. So much work to do.
Without God I don't have what it takes. I can do nothing on my own. I must ask God's forgiveness. I must ask my husband's forgiveness. I must leave all my expectations at the cross. Otherwise I will continue to fail. There is no way I can become a Proverbs 31 woman by my own power. But I can do all things thru Christ who gives me strength!
Do you know my God? Would you like to? He is the great forgiver. To be like Him.....
Friday, April 25, 2014
Nobody Ever Loved Me As Much You Love Me
"Nobody ever loved me as much as you love me" my husband said one night recently just before we fell asleep. "How sweet!" I thought as I drifted off into dreamland. "He finally gets it!" It wasn't until the last few days that I realized it wasn't true.
Now it's not that I don't love my husband. Because I do. But there is One who loves him more. The Lord. While I may have washed his dirty socks, cleaned up after him and birthed his children, I haven't done anything for him like Jesus did. Following Jesus' example of loving him and forgiving him is something I can do. But there is absolutely nothing I can do that would come close to dying for his sins and making it possible for him to spend eternity in Heaven.
One thing I can do for him though is pray to the One who loves him most. Of late my prayers have begun "Lord he was Yours before he was mine". Gary Thomas, author of "Sacred Marriage" said "Never forget: you didn't just marry a man or a woman; you married a son or daughter of God. Treat him, treat her, accordingly". Now when you think of it that way, wow...... God is his Father (and mine) so he is royalty by blood. Jesus' blood. He is a child of the King of Kings. Hmmm....does that mean I'm praying for a prince? Guess so.....
Knowing I'm praying for a son of the Most High makes me think differently before I pray. I can't say it has always been this way. Even recently I was sharing with a friend certain things I was praying for for my husband. Just to be funny I added "and that he would have (a certain physical condition that is very uncomfortable and I won't say what that is here)". Not sure why I said it or even why I thought it was funny. But within 48 hours he was struck with a bout of that very uncomfortable physical condition. Lesson learned: Be careful what you pray.
As Stormie Omartian states in the forward of "The Power of a Praying Wife" "....let me make it perfectly clear that the power of a praying wife is not a means of gaining control over your husband, so don't get your hopes up! In fact, it is quite the opposite. It's laying down all claim to power in and of yourself, and relying on God's power to transform you, your husband, your circumstances and your marriage." It means not being afraid to ask God to change me instead of asking Him to change my husband.
One thing that I pray for my husband on a regular basis is for him to have wisdom. Proverbs 9:10 states "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding". If my husband fears the Lord, he is on the road to wisdom. Wisdom brings security, strength, satisfaction. Wisdom doesn't usually come carried on a silver platter. Wisdom defined is the ability to think and act using knowledge, experience, understanding, common sense and insight. So not only does fearing the Lord bring wisdom, but wisdom brings us to the Lord. If he has true wisdom, he knows God.
Praying for my husband also includes praying for myself. Being a godly wife, a Proverbs 31 woman, that's my goal. I must confess that there are times I am more of the wife described earlier in Proverbs where it says it's better to live on the corner of a roof than to live with me. And that's when I must ask forgiveness of my God, my husband and anyone else I have been rotten to. Many years ago I wrote a chorus titled "Lord Change Me". He humbles me often by reminding me that I asked Him to change me.
Love him more than anyone on earth does? Yes I'm sure I do. I want everything that is best for him and that includes a close relationship with God, a close relationship with his family, for him to have favor from God in all that he does, and for our marriage to bring glory to God. But God already gave him more than I ever can. He gave His only Son, Jesus, to die on the cross for my husband's sins so that he doesn't have to suffer the consequences of sins when he confesses them to the Lord and forsakes them. I couldn't do that for him because I needed Jesus to do that for me too. Jesus blood covers all sins when we come to Him honestly and openly. Nobody ever loved us like Jesus loves us. Do you know Him? My husband accepted Him as Savior in 1988. Would you like to accept Him as well?
Now it's not that I don't love my husband. Because I do. But there is One who loves him more. The Lord. While I may have washed his dirty socks, cleaned up after him and birthed his children, I haven't done anything for him like Jesus did. Following Jesus' example of loving him and forgiving him is something I can do. But there is absolutely nothing I can do that would come close to dying for his sins and making it possible for him to spend eternity in Heaven.
One thing I can do for him though is pray to the One who loves him most. Of late my prayers have begun "Lord he was Yours before he was mine". Gary Thomas, author of "Sacred Marriage" said "Never forget: you didn't just marry a man or a woman; you married a son or daughter of God. Treat him, treat her, accordingly". Now when you think of it that way, wow...... God is his Father (and mine) so he is royalty by blood. Jesus' blood. He is a child of the King of Kings. Hmmm....does that mean I'm praying for a prince? Guess so.....
Knowing I'm praying for a son of the Most High makes me think differently before I pray. I can't say it has always been this way. Even recently I was sharing with a friend certain things I was praying for for my husband. Just to be funny I added "and that he would have (a certain physical condition that is very uncomfortable and I won't say what that is here)". Not sure why I said it or even why I thought it was funny. But within 48 hours he was struck with a bout of that very uncomfortable physical condition. Lesson learned: Be careful what you pray.
As Stormie Omartian states in the forward of "The Power of a Praying Wife" "....let me make it perfectly clear that the power of a praying wife is not a means of gaining control over your husband, so don't get your hopes up! In fact, it is quite the opposite. It's laying down all claim to power in and of yourself, and relying on God's power to transform you, your husband, your circumstances and your marriage." It means not being afraid to ask God to change me instead of asking Him to change my husband.
One thing that I pray for my husband on a regular basis is for him to have wisdom. Proverbs 9:10 states "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding". If my husband fears the Lord, he is on the road to wisdom. Wisdom brings security, strength, satisfaction. Wisdom doesn't usually come carried on a silver platter. Wisdom defined is the ability to think and act using knowledge, experience, understanding, common sense and insight. So not only does fearing the Lord bring wisdom, but wisdom brings us to the Lord. If he has true wisdom, he knows God.
Praying for my husband also includes praying for myself. Being a godly wife, a Proverbs 31 woman, that's my goal. I must confess that there are times I am more of the wife described earlier in Proverbs where it says it's better to live on the corner of a roof than to live with me. And that's when I must ask forgiveness of my God, my husband and anyone else I have been rotten to. Many years ago I wrote a chorus titled "Lord Change Me". He humbles me often by reminding me that I asked Him to change me.
Love him more than anyone on earth does? Yes I'm sure I do. I want everything that is best for him and that includes a close relationship with God, a close relationship with his family, for him to have favor from God in all that he does, and for our marriage to bring glory to God. But God already gave him more than I ever can. He gave His only Son, Jesus, to die on the cross for my husband's sins so that he doesn't have to suffer the consequences of sins when he confesses them to the Lord and forsakes them. I couldn't do that for him because I needed Jesus to do that for me too. Jesus blood covers all sins when we come to Him honestly and openly. Nobody ever loved us like Jesus loves us. Do you know Him? My husband accepted Him as Savior in 1988. Would you like to accept Him as well?
Saturday, April 19, 2014
To Be Like You....Let Them See You
Ever had anybody want to be like you? They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. TV and movie personalities experience that form of flattery all the time. In my teen years girls wanted either Dorothy Hamill's cute short hair or Farrah Fawcett's long blond do. Now I know for some that's reaching back a ways. But you get the picture.
After dealing with a bit of this myself I have to say it can be a bit disconcerting. Of course I'm not being paid to be a public figure like stars are so I would imagine they appreciate it more than I do. While I have struggled with this for quite some time, I finally realized what was going on. It wasn't my hairstyle, my car, my home or anything else that was desired. It was what I have inside. You see, while another person can look up to us, respect us, admire us even, the only way they should want to be like us is in our faith.
That brings me to another thought. Is my faith what it ought to be? I say I'm a Christian. I was saved at the ripe old age of seven and baptized in the creek the next year. Growing up I was always considered to be a 'good girl', responsible and trustworthy. But today. Today. Is my faith what it ought to be?
Recently JJ Weeks Band released a song called "Let Them See You" I believe Colton Dixon also released the same song. "Let them see You in me. Let them hear You when I speak. Let them feel You when I sing. Let them see You....let them see You in me." As I've listened to that song, I have prayed that be true for my life. It can't be if I am living outside of His moral laws, or behaving in a manner unbecoming of a disciple of Christ. But first of all, it can't happen if we don't know Him as Savior.
Many people claim to be a Christian. But are they? They claim their lives to be blessed. Are they really? Do we see Jesus in them? God tells us in James 5:16 ".....The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective". So does that mean you must be righteous for God to hear you? YES IT DOES!!!!!! Proverbs 15:8-9 tells us "The Lord detests the sacrifice of the wicked, but the prayer of the upright pleases Him. The Lord detests the way of the wicked, but He loves those who pursue righteousness". I believe that makes it very clear that if we are not right with God, He doesn't listen to our prayers. If we haven't accepted Jesus and we're not living according to His example, we have no right to come to the Throne for anything! In fact the Word tells us that the Lord DETESTS the sacrifice of the wicked. If He detests their sacrifice, that's pretty obvious that He not only doesn't answer their prayers but definitely does NOT bless them.
Ok so back to me. Do they see You in me? "Who am I without Your grace? Another smile, another face. Another breath, a grain of sand, passing quickly thru Your hand." Wow. I'm absolutely NOTHING without Jesus! "I give my life an offering. Take it all. Take everything." If I'm wicked, He won't accept me. If I'm wicked my offering is detestable to Him. But if I'm righteous, He will accept me and bless me. That's the ONLY way He will accept me and bless me. How do I become righteous?
Do you know Him? Do you see Him in me? That is my prayer. Accepting Jesus as your Savior and Lord is the only way to live free and be righteous. To be blessed. To know love. Real love. Praying with your back toward God. Claiming His blessings while living in disobedience. Hmmmm...... Think about this. Proverbs 28:9 tells us that "If anyone turns a deaf ear to my instruction, even their prayers are detestable". Wow......if we are not living in obedience to the Word, God considers our prayers detestable.
I don't want my Savior to consider me detestable, do you? My prayer is that you see Him in me and want to know Him because you see Him in me. That you don't want what I have but you do want WHO lives inside me. Do you know Him? Can I introduce you?
After dealing with a bit of this myself I have to say it can be a bit disconcerting. Of course I'm not being paid to be a public figure like stars are so I would imagine they appreciate it more than I do. While I have struggled with this for quite some time, I finally realized what was going on. It wasn't my hairstyle, my car, my home or anything else that was desired. It was what I have inside. You see, while another person can look up to us, respect us, admire us even, the only way they should want to be like us is in our faith.
That brings me to another thought. Is my faith what it ought to be? I say I'm a Christian. I was saved at the ripe old age of seven and baptized in the creek the next year. Growing up I was always considered to be a 'good girl', responsible and trustworthy. But today. Today. Is my faith what it ought to be?
Recently JJ Weeks Band released a song called "Let Them See You" I believe Colton Dixon also released the same song. "Let them see You in me. Let them hear You when I speak. Let them feel You when I sing. Let them see You....let them see You in me." As I've listened to that song, I have prayed that be true for my life. It can't be if I am living outside of His moral laws, or behaving in a manner unbecoming of a disciple of Christ. But first of all, it can't happen if we don't know Him as Savior.
Many people claim to be a Christian. But are they? They claim their lives to be blessed. Are they really? Do we see Jesus in them? God tells us in James 5:16 ".....The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective". So does that mean you must be righteous for God to hear you? YES IT DOES!!!!!! Proverbs 15:8-9 tells us "The Lord detests the sacrifice of the wicked, but the prayer of the upright pleases Him. The Lord detests the way of the wicked, but He loves those who pursue righteousness". I believe that makes it very clear that if we are not right with God, He doesn't listen to our prayers. If we haven't accepted Jesus and we're not living according to His example, we have no right to come to the Throne for anything! In fact the Word tells us that the Lord DETESTS the sacrifice of the wicked. If He detests their sacrifice, that's pretty obvious that He not only doesn't answer their prayers but definitely does NOT bless them.
Ok so back to me. Do they see You in me? "Who am I without Your grace? Another smile, another face. Another breath, a grain of sand, passing quickly thru Your hand." Wow. I'm absolutely NOTHING without Jesus! "I give my life an offering. Take it all. Take everything." If I'm wicked, He won't accept me. If I'm wicked my offering is detestable to Him. But if I'm righteous, He will accept me and bless me. That's the ONLY way He will accept me and bless me. How do I become righteous?
Do you know Him? Do you see Him in me? That is my prayer. Accepting Jesus as your Savior and Lord is the only way to live free and be righteous. To be blessed. To know love. Real love. Praying with your back toward God. Claiming His blessings while living in disobedience. Hmmmm...... Think about this. Proverbs 28:9 tells us that "If anyone turns a deaf ear to my instruction, even their prayers are detestable". Wow......if we are not living in obedience to the Word, God considers our prayers detestable.
I don't want my Savior to consider me detestable, do you? My prayer is that you see Him in me and want to know Him because you see Him in me. That you don't want what I have but you do want WHO lives inside me. Do you know Him? Can I introduce you?
Monday, April 14, 2014
Reunited and it Feels so Good
Recently I blogged about when hubby and I first got married. That was almost 25 years ago and only 75 days after we met. When we got married way back then, he had a 2 1/2 year old son who quickly held a huge part of my heart and still does today. By the time we had been married a year and a half our second son was born. The day before our third anniversary our third son was born. (Yes, the theme song to "My Three Sons" was hummed regularly at our home.) That little house purchased in the "Buy a House, Get a Spouse" blog was bursting at the seams so we decided to buy a larger house. I was a stay at home mom who loved her little boys dearly. One was in school and the toddlers who were 17 months 9 days and 31 minutes apart in age were best buddies. We left our cute little house with updated carpet and decor for a house that had a mixture of orange shag carpet, carpet that looked like chicken noodle soup, red and black carpet in one bathroom and the kitchen had that 70s style kitchen carpet. Not much to look at but we could spread out a little.
That spreading out didn't last too long though because I got the itch for another baby. Son number 4 was born less than a year and a half after we moved into our new house. Now things were not always perfect. In fact they seldom were. I was lonely! My husband had to work two full time jobs to make ends meet. Dealing with headstrong boys, although I loved them with all my heart, took it's toll on me. But a surprise blessing was on it's way. Or should I say her way! After four boys, we had a baby girl! We had been married just over seven years and had five kids! Hubby was stressed about finances. I was lonely, depressed and confused that it wasn't like I thought it would be. Amazing kids. A husband who loved me. But something was wrong.
I usually try to write about upbeat things. And I will in another paragraph or two. But to get to that, we have to go thru this. My husband left and divorced me. My heart was absolutely broken. Our kids hearts were broken. My husband was confused and didn't know what to do.
That year and a half we were apart was very interesting. My husband would come visit us. The kids never went with him for more than a few hours. And he would even come see me after they were asleep. He regularly told me he had always loved me. At this point I am reminded of Proverbs 14:4, "Where no oxen is the manger is clean. But much increase comes thru the strength of the ox". Literal meaning: You've got to wade thru the manure to get to the milk. We were wading in manure.
That barnyard walk was deep and disgusting at times. Other times my husband's love for us was very evident and we dined on sweet milk without even having to wear our boots for the manure. I remember him saying one evening before the divorce (I hate that word and the Bible says God hates divorce so I can hate the word if I want) that "that won't happen until we get back together". We weren't even the 'd' word yet and he was already planning on us getting back together. Didn't make sense to me. Still doesn't.
But get back together we did. On March 3, 2001 once again on a sofa, my husband proposed to me. I don't know what it is about sofas. Maybe he thinks they are romantic. Maybe he's comfortable on a sofa. Whatever the reason, I was so happy he asked me to marry him again! Now if you ask him the story, he will tell you I proposed both times. But don't believe him. It's not true!
The next week we told the kids and they were thrilled! Our youngest son was in kindergarten and told a substitute teacher that his mom and dad were getting married again and he was going to carry the rings on a pillow if he could. We had no idea he even knew about that but were so glad she told us what he had said. We started trying to decide on a date. We knew we wanted it to be soon. Hubby, or soon to be hubby again, suggested Good Friday. Good Friday that year just happened to be April 13th. While I am not superstitious, I knew others who were and would think we were jinxed from the beginning. I prayed about it and waited for an answer.
Back then we had a fun routine while driving to school each morning. We would put on the Armor of God and quote scripture. Each child would quote a verse he or she had memorized. Usually the kids would excitedly quote scripture after scripture, leaving me no time to say even one. But one particular morning, and I remember exactly where we were when it happened, they all got finished and left me the opportunity to quote one of my own. Oh no! I wasn't prepared for this. Think fast! "I can do all things thru Christ Who gives me strength! Philippians 4:13" I shouted! Oh my......really????? Philippians 4:13. 4/13. That was the date! I asked "God was that You?" After dropping our daughter off at the babysitter's, I went to work. Walking in the door, I turned on the radio. There was Steven Curtis Chapman singing "I can do all things thru Christ Who gives me strength......." Ok. Yes. That was definitely God.
The wedding was planned for late morning on 4/13/01 at a cute little wedding cottage. Outfits were bought. Hubby was working extra shifts so we seldom saw him. And of course all the planning was left up to me but that was ok since we had eloped the first time. I shopped for new rings but hubby just couldn't see spending a lot of money on jewelry since we already had rings. So dressed in our wedding duds, we headed for the courthouse to get our license. An unusual sight I suppose. But we were all so happy!
Unfortunately hubby didn't find his original ring until long after we were reunited, so we got to get new rings after all! Ummmm......well we went to a pawn shop. With a van full of kids right outside the door, we looked at the gold bands. Of course George Jones and Tammy Wynette's "Golden Ring" was playing in our minds. We each chose a simple gold band, had them fitted and headed to the wedding chapel.
"Reunited and it feels so good. Reunited 'cause we understood...there's one perfect fit and sugar this one is it. We both are so excited 'cause we're reunited hey he-ey." The wedding was beautiful! The older boys were a little unsure of their place in the ceremony. Our youngest son got to fulfill his dream of carrying the rings on the pillow. Our little girl was the flower girl. And unlike our first wedding, we have tons of pictures and even a video!
While it hasn't been an easy 13 years, God has proved over and over that "I can do all things thru Christ who gives me strength".
That spreading out didn't last too long though because I got the itch for another baby. Son number 4 was born less than a year and a half after we moved into our new house. Now things were not always perfect. In fact they seldom were. I was lonely! My husband had to work two full time jobs to make ends meet. Dealing with headstrong boys, although I loved them with all my heart, took it's toll on me. But a surprise blessing was on it's way. Or should I say her way! After four boys, we had a baby girl! We had been married just over seven years and had five kids! Hubby was stressed about finances. I was lonely, depressed and confused that it wasn't like I thought it would be. Amazing kids. A husband who loved me. But something was wrong.
I usually try to write about upbeat things. And I will in another paragraph or two. But to get to that, we have to go thru this. My husband left and divorced me. My heart was absolutely broken. Our kids hearts were broken. My husband was confused and didn't know what to do.
That year and a half we were apart was very interesting. My husband would come visit us. The kids never went with him for more than a few hours. And he would even come see me after they were asleep. He regularly told me he had always loved me. At this point I am reminded of Proverbs 14:4, "Where no oxen is the manger is clean. But much increase comes thru the strength of the ox". Literal meaning: You've got to wade thru the manure to get to the milk. We were wading in manure.
That barnyard walk was deep and disgusting at times. Other times my husband's love for us was very evident and we dined on sweet milk without even having to wear our boots for the manure. I remember him saying one evening before the divorce (I hate that word and the Bible says God hates divorce so I can hate the word if I want) that "that won't happen until we get back together". We weren't even the 'd' word yet and he was already planning on us getting back together. Didn't make sense to me. Still doesn't.
But get back together we did. On March 3, 2001 once again on a sofa, my husband proposed to me. I don't know what it is about sofas. Maybe he thinks they are romantic. Maybe he's comfortable on a sofa. Whatever the reason, I was so happy he asked me to marry him again! Now if you ask him the story, he will tell you I proposed both times. But don't believe him. It's not true!
The next week we told the kids and they were thrilled! Our youngest son was in kindergarten and told a substitute teacher that his mom and dad were getting married again and he was going to carry the rings on a pillow if he could. We had no idea he even knew about that but were so glad she told us what he had said. We started trying to decide on a date. We knew we wanted it to be soon. Hubby, or soon to be hubby again, suggested Good Friday. Good Friday that year just happened to be April 13th. While I am not superstitious, I knew others who were and would think we were jinxed from the beginning. I prayed about it and waited for an answer.
Back then we had a fun routine while driving to school each morning. We would put on the Armor of God and quote scripture. Each child would quote a verse he or she had memorized. Usually the kids would excitedly quote scripture after scripture, leaving me no time to say even one. But one particular morning, and I remember exactly where we were when it happened, they all got finished and left me the opportunity to quote one of my own. Oh no! I wasn't prepared for this. Think fast! "I can do all things thru Christ Who gives me strength! Philippians 4:13" I shouted! Oh my......really????? Philippians 4:13. 4/13. That was the date! I asked "God was that You?" After dropping our daughter off at the babysitter's, I went to work. Walking in the door, I turned on the radio. There was Steven Curtis Chapman singing "I can do all things thru Christ Who gives me strength......." Ok. Yes. That was definitely God.
The wedding was planned for late morning on 4/13/01 at a cute little wedding cottage. Outfits were bought. Hubby was working extra shifts so we seldom saw him. And of course all the planning was left up to me but that was ok since we had eloped the first time. I shopped for new rings but hubby just couldn't see spending a lot of money on jewelry since we already had rings. So dressed in our wedding duds, we headed for the courthouse to get our license. An unusual sight I suppose. But we were all so happy!
Unfortunately hubby didn't find his original ring until long after we were reunited, so we got to get new rings after all! Ummmm......well we went to a pawn shop. With a van full of kids right outside the door, we looked at the gold bands. Of course George Jones and Tammy Wynette's "Golden Ring" was playing in our minds. We each chose a simple gold band, had them fitted and headed to the wedding chapel.
"Reunited and it feels so good. Reunited 'cause we understood...there's one perfect fit and sugar this one is it. We both are so excited 'cause we're reunited hey he-ey." The wedding was beautiful! The older boys were a little unsure of their place in the ceremony. Our youngest son got to fulfill his dream of carrying the rings on the pillow. Our little girl was the flower girl. And unlike our first wedding, we have tons of pictures and even a video!
While it hasn't been an easy 13 years, God has proved over and over that "I can do all things thru Christ who gives me strength".
Monday, April 7, 2014
What's Love Got To Do With It?
Ok before I get started I have a disclaimer. Had my eyes dilated today and everything is pretty much a blur. So hopefully there aren't too many typos or words misplaced.
Been thinking about love lately. Not mushy gushy love. Not I love my cute puppy kind of love. Just love. Real love.
We read in I Corinthians 13 that "Love is patient. Love is kind....It does not envy. It does not boast....It is not proud....Love never fails". I have a new bracelet with those words. They are also in the song "Love Is" by Dara MacClean (By the way, her "Wanted" CD is absolutely amazing!)
What I find interesting is how so many people think of the 'Love Chapter' as a description of romantic love. Well in the sense that marriage is the earthly image of Christ (the groom) and the church (the bride) I guess that could apply. The love we show for one another IS supposed to mirror the love God has for us. But according to what I read in that chapter it's something we won't fully understand until we are with Him in Heaven. And I'm not so sure it will matter if we understand it then. We'll just be thrilled to be with Him for eternity.
My blurry eyes are making it difficult for me to see. That's kinda what our image of love is right now. We see God's love in how a husband loves his wife, a father and mother love their children. But not how a boy loves his favorite baseball team or a girl loves One Direction. And certainly not how I used to love chocolate because I've found I can live without it if it means being healthy. Back on point, the love that we see and feel here on earth is kinda blurry. Not clear. Not at all what we will experience when we get to Heaven and experience it unhindered and unending with our Lord.
Love. Again, I'm not talking about mushy gushy love. And neither is the Word. This love is from God. John 3:16 tells us that God loved the world so much that He sent His very best from Heaven, His Son Jesus, so that we might be saved. Wow. He sent His BEST because He LOVES us that much! He loves you. He loves me. He loves us so much that He sent His Son. The Word. Jesus is the Word. The Word is Jesus (John 1:1). Jesus is love. When we realize that, it all changes. Say it this way: "Jesus is patient. Jesus is kind. Jesus does not envy and doesn't boast. Jesus is not proud. JESUS NEVER FAILS! Faith, hope and Jesus. But the greatest of these is JESUS!
Do you know Jesus? Then you know love. And you will want to continue on to I Corinthians 14 where you find that knowing Jesus-- love--will bring amazing spiritual gifts so that you can experience His love more fully. So that you can spread His love more wonderfully. Do you know Him? If not, I would love to introduce you.
Been thinking about love lately. Not mushy gushy love. Not I love my cute puppy kind of love. Just love. Real love.
We read in I Corinthians 13 that "Love is patient. Love is kind....It does not envy. It does not boast....It is not proud....Love never fails". I have a new bracelet with those words. They are also in the song "Love Is" by Dara MacClean (By the way, her "Wanted" CD is absolutely amazing!)
What I find interesting is how so many people think of the 'Love Chapter' as a description of romantic love. Well in the sense that marriage is the earthly image of Christ (the groom) and the church (the bride) I guess that could apply. The love we show for one another IS supposed to mirror the love God has for us. But according to what I read in that chapter it's something we won't fully understand until we are with Him in Heaven. And I'm not so sure it will matter if we understand it then. We'll just be thrilled to be with Him for eternity.
My blurry eyes are making it difficult for me to see. That's kinda what our image of love is right now. We see God's love in how a husband loves his wife, a father and mother love their children. But not how a boy loves his favorite baseball team or a girl loves One Direction. And certainly not how I used to love chocolate because I've found I can live without it if it means being healthy. Back on point, the love that we see and feel here on earth is kinda blurry. Not clear. Not at all what we will experience when we get to Heaven and experience it unhindered and unending with our Lord.
Love. Again, I'm not talking about mushy gushy love. And neither is the Word. This love is from God. John 3:16 tells us that God loved the world so much that He sent His very best from Heaven, His Son Jesus, so that we might be saved. Wow. He sent His BEST because He LOVES us that much! He loves you. He loves me. He loves us so much that He sent His Son. The Word. Jesus is the Word. The Word is Jesus (John 1:1). Jesus is love. When we realize that, it all changes. Say it this way: "Jesus is patient. Jesus is kind. Jesus does not envy and doesn't boast. Jesus is not proud. JESUS NEVER FAILS! Faith, hope and Jesus. But the greatest of these is JESUS!
Do you know Jesus? Then you know love. And you will want to continue on to I Corinthians 14 where you find that knowing Jesus-- love--will bring amazing spiritual gifts so that you can experience His love more fully. So that you can spread His love more wonderfully. Do you know Him? If not, I would love to introduce you.
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