"He's gone through so much, it reminds me of Job." Ever hear anyone say that? Seems that phrase, or something like it, is often said when someone has gone through a lot of heartache or loss. But that doesn't mean they are like Job.
Losing a loved one, a marriage falling apart, car repossessed, mortgage foreclosed or a job lost. The list can go on and on. Life can throw us all kinds of horrible things that just don't seems fair. But still, none of these things allow us to be compared to Job.
Job was a righteous man. He set the standard in every category. He lead his family spiritually. Ten kids and they all got along well. They spent time together. He had a good marriage. He was respected by all.
Most important though, Job gave God the best parts of his life. He knew he was nothing without God. So that made him a target. He had just the attitude that the devil didn't like. Interesting......the devil just knew Job would fall in just the right circumstances. But God knew Job for real. He knew what Job was made of. And He even bragged about Job!
God allowed satan to attack Job in almost every way, knowing what Job's reaction would be. Now that part of Job's life is where people get confused. They think, when they see someone going through stuff, it's just like Job. But it's not. To be like Job means that your life had to be so godly in the first place that the only reason you are going through these things is for God to be glorified and to prove that you are real in your faith.
Too many times we feel sorry for ourselves. We allow others to feel sorry for us. We listen to their advise and things get worse. And no. That's not like Job at all.
So what is it like to really be like Job? To be like Job means to live a righteous life no matter what. Job was a righteous man when he had everything. He remained a righteous man when he lost everything and was covered in painful sores from head to toe. He never one time gave up on God. And God doubly blessed him for his faithfulness.
How often do we argue with God when things don't go as planned? We tend to blame Him when the least little thing happens. Christians today seem to think everything should be sunshine and roses all day long every day. But there can be no growth without troubles.
Attitude. So much of what we go through and how things turn out depend on our attitude. Job's attitude towards God never changed. If anything, his faith grew stronger. Now that is a way we could all strive to be more like Job. In attitude. In faith.
So, to really be like Job is not to have a life of catastrophes. But to have a life of faith. No matter what we are going through.
Do you know Him? Would you like to? I would love to introduce you.
Sunday, April 22, 2018
Sunday, April 15, 2018
A Fate Worse Than Death
Unexpected. That phone call. That text. It happened twice in 3 days this week. That's two times too many. Gone way too soon and it's like a chunk of your heart goes too.
The first call came on Sunday afternoon when I was informed that my sister in law had passed away that morning. At only 59 years old, by most standards she was still considered young. However, she had been in ill health for many years. She was an interesting character. Prior to going into a nursing home just over 2 years ago, I could count on her to call me at the most odd times. Many of those calls came late on Saturday nights when I was exhausted.
The last several years she had declined healthwise. I had never known her to be in the best of health in the last almost 29 years we were family. But she would often talk about the Lord. There were times she would call me hurting, her heart breaking and lonely. But then she would call me another night and would talk about her love for the Lord.
While I knew she was in really bad health, it was still an unexpected event, hearing that she was gone. Somehow I always expect the one telling me that kind of news to follow it up by telling me it wasn't really true. I mean my kids had faked that kind of thing on social media a couple of times so why couldn't this be just something like that too?
Wednesday morning. A text from my sister told us that a 55 year old cousin had been taken to the hospital with a heart attack. Of course I started praying immediately. He was young. Healthy. Strong. Always smiling. When the text said it was bad I thought it was just drama on someone's part but didn't know who's. Medicine is amazing these days and there was no way he wouldn't make it.
Thirty-five minutes later the next text came. It simply read "He passed away". How could this have happened? There was no way it was true. When was the last time I saw him? Oh how his wife's and son's hearts must be breaking. Not to mention his mother. I hadn't seen him in years yet it truly felt like a chuck of me was gone. Ripped away.
The flood of childhood memories was so sweet as they rose higher in my mind. How he sang "On the Wings of a Dove" at church, straining his vocal cords as a little boy, lisping, but hitting the notes as perfectly as possible. The smile that he had every time I ever saw him. A 'chance' lunch we had together as teenagers at a restaurant owned by our aunt and uncle. I remember he shared a secret with me. How I wish I remembered the details now.
What I do know is that he loved the Lord. There was never a doubt about that. He was ornery, fun loving, a typical boy back in the day. But he loved the Lord.
While it's sad that they are gone from us, we know they are in Heaven, celebrating. No pain. No sadness. And there is a fate worse than death. It's dying without knowing Jesus. When that happens, there is no joy. No celebration. Only darkness, pain, loneliness.....hell. If you know Him, you have no need to worry. If you don't know Him, your fate is worse than the fear of death itself. More painful than any pain that precedes death. It's eternity in hell. And it's inevitable if you don't know Him.
If you've never met Him, may I introduce you? He's waiting for you now.
The first call came on Sunday afternoon when I was informed that my sister in law had passed away that morning. At only 59 years old, by most standards she was still considered young. However, she had been in ill health for many years. She was an interesting character. Prior to going into a nursing home just over 2 years ago, I could count on her to call me at the most odd times. Many of those calls came late on Saturday nights when I was exhausted.
The last several years she had declined healthwise. I had never known her to be in the best of health in the last almost 29 years we were family. But she would often talk about the Lord. There were times she would call me hurting, her heart breaking and lonely. But then she would call me another night and would talk about her love for the Lord.
While I knew she was in really bad health, it was still an unexpected event, hearing that she was gone. Somehow I always expect the one telling me that kind of news to follow it up by telling me it wasn't really true. I mean my kids had faked that kind of thing on social media a couple of times so why couldn't this be just something like that too?
Wednesday morning. A text from my sister told us that a 55 year old cousin had been taken to the hospital with a heart attack. Of course I started praying immediately. He was young. Healthy. Strong. Always smiling. When the text said it was bad I thought it was just drama on someone's part but didn't know who's. Medicine is amazing these days and there was no way he wouldn't make it.
Thirty-five minutes later the next text came. It simply read "He passed away". How could this have happened? There was no way it was true. When was the last time I saw him? Oh how his wife's and son's hearts must be breaking. Not to mention his mother. I hadn't seen him in years yet it truly felt like a chuck of me was gone. Ripped away.
The flood of childhood memories was so sweet as they rose higher in my mind. How he sang "On the Wings of a Dove" at church, straining his vocal cords as a little boy, lisping, but hitting the notes as perfectly as possible. The smile that he had every time I ever saw him. A 'chance' lunch we had together as teenagers at a restaurant owned by our aunt and uncle. I remember he shared a secret with me. How I wish I remembered the details now.
What I do know is that he loved the Lord. There was never a doubt about that. He was ornery, fun loving, a typical boy back in the day. But he loved the Lord.
While it's sad that they are gone from us, we know they are in Heaven, celebrating. No pain. No sadness. And there is a fate worse than death. It's dying without knowing Jesus. When that happens, there is no joy. No celebration. Only darkness, pain, loneliness.....hell. If you know Him, you have no need to worry. If you don't know Him, your fate is worse than the fear of death itself. More painful than any pain that precedes death. It's eternity in hell. And it's inevitable if you don't know Him.
If you've never met Him, may I introduce you? He's waiting for you now.
Sunday, April 8, 2018
Do We Laugh or Cry?
It's what we do with it. It's what we make of it. Sometimes that's hard to remember. Especially when it affects our kids. But it's true even then.
This past week or so I've watched a couple of my kids deal with issues that are no fault of their own. As their mom, I want to shield them. Protect them. But sometimes I can't do that. That's not always the plan. Not necessarily God's plan. It's then that I must pray, trust that I've raised them right, and let them figure it out on their own.
So what's gone on recently that has brought up all this kind of thinking? A credit score. My daughter messaged me, asking why her credit score had dropped by 65 points. Then we realized it was because she is on my credit card that is almost to the limit...... He cut the college kids off financially when they didn't agree with his lifestyle. So I began paying all, not just some, of the expenses he had agreed to pay.
Funny. He gave at least one of the women he committed adultery with a credit card. How do I know it was her and not him making the charges? Well it was used locally while he and I were in Jamaica. Quite a bit. Got cash with it. Bought gas with it in places he couldn't have been over a long period of time. And went Black Friday shopping in stores where he wouldn't darken the door. But he cut off his own children for not supporting his lifestyle. Decided to not be a father. Chose to break promises.
Then there's this car. This pathetic old car that has been a mess since day one. He promised the kids that he would make sure they had a car to drive in High School and it would be their car when they graduated college. Funny. He stole his mother's money to buy this car in the first place. Then we used the car as collateral to get a loan for money he needed. Guess who paid back the loan? Wrong. Not him. It was me. (For that car anyway. The other car that was used as collateral was totaled so insurance paid it off.)
So this promise he made was financed by his mother, who was in a nursing home, and by me. Now he did pay for repairs. Sometimes. That car has had to have more repairs than any car I've ever dealt with. In fact, between it and a rental car to get my son home at Christmas, it was about $1,000. (No he didn't see his dad at Christmas. But dad didn't even try to contact 3 of the kids to tell them Merry Christmas, let alone give them any gifts.) I recently came across a screenshot of a group text my son who drove the car sent. He had been having constant car issues and he simply asked that, if he snuck out of the county with a prostitute, would we at least get his car looked at while he was gone. Just a little jab at the one who had made but not kept promises but has snuck out of the country at least twice with other women while married to me.
So, after trying to get rid of that car for years, finally, on March 15th, we got him to sign the car title so that it would belong to my son. But before we could accomplish that, the car gave up. Just 15 days later. Now we could have cried. But we chose to laugh. It was stressful. But it has turned out wonderfully. Because the car my son picked out a few years ago, or one almost identical to it anyway, had just been traded in at the dealership where my brother works. Just 5 days later my son was the proud owner of that car! Making payments he wasn't supposed to make according to his dad's promises. But we will look at the good that is coming from this.
Broken promises. Lies. Lots of things have tried to get us down this week. But it's our focus that makes the difference. We are moving forward. Like my daughter often tells me, even after her credit score dropping because we are living on that credit card together right now, "you're okay. I gotcha lady". And we are okay. We are better than okay. Yes, I'm gonna say it. We are blessed!
I'm doing all I can to move forward. It's our choice. Stay where we are, go backwards, or move forward. I've even taken down my first photo I ever enlarged to poster size and framed. I replaced it with a new one. What does that have to do with anything? I was so proud of that picture. Had a special frame made for it even. But he was giving me a ride the day I picked up the picture. I heard his hidden phone vibrating in the backseat and calmly mentioned it. It made him mad. He was caught and he always made things my fault. So he stopped the truck, grabbed my picture and tried to push me and my belongings out. The picture, because it was wrinkled, always reminded me of that. But no more. I've moved forward and I love the replacement.
What's holding you back? Which direction are you going? We get sidetracked every now and then. But we are moving forward. Not in how we planned. But God is in our lives. He is using all we go through. If we let Him. And like I just keep being reminded, He causes ALL things to work together for good to those who love Him, to those who are called according to His purpose. Even this stuff. And I'm believing that. I gotta get it out sometimes so I can breathe. But I'm still believing it. How about you?
This past week or so I've watched a couple of my kids deal with issues that are no fault of their own. As their mom, I want to shield them. Protect them. But sometimes I can't do that. That's not always the plan. Not necessarily God's plan. It's then that I must pray, trust that I've raised them right, and let them figure it out on their own.
So what's gone on recently that has brought up all this kind of thinking? A credit score. My daughter messaged me, asking why her credit score had dropped by 65 points. Then we realized it was because she is on my credit card that is almost to the limit...... He cut the college kids off financially when they didn't agree with his lifestyle. So I began paying all, not just some, of the expenses he had agreed to pay.
Funny. He gave at least one of the women he committed adultery with a credit card. How do I know it was her and not him making the charges? Well it was used locally while he and I were in Jamaica. Quite a bit. Got cash with it. Bought gas with it in places he couldn't have been over a long period of time. And went Black Friday shopping in stores where he wouldn't darken the door. But he cut off his own children for not supporting his lifestyle. Decided to not be a father. Chose to break promises.
Then there's this car. This pathetic old car that has been a mess since day one. He promised the kids that he would make sure they had a car to drive in High School and it would be their car when they graduated college. Funny. He stole his mother's money to buy this car in the first place. Then we used the car as collateral to get a loan for money he needed. Guess who paid back the loan? Wrong. Not him. It was me. (For that car anyway. The other car that was used as collateral was totaled so insurance paid it off.)
So this promise he made was financed by his mother, who was in a nursing home, and by me. Now he did pay for repairs. Sometimes. That car has had to have more repairs than any car I've ever dealt with. In fact, between it and a rental car to get my son home at Christmas, it was about $1,000. (No he didn't see his dad at Christmas. But dad didn't even try to contact 3 of the kids to tell them Merry Christmas, let alone give them any gifts.) I recently came across a screenshot of a group text my son who drove the car sent. He had been having constant car issues and he simply asked that, if he snuck out of the county with a prostitute, would we at least get his car looked at while he was gone. Just a little jab at the one who had made but not kept promises but has snuck out of the country at least twice with other women while married to me.
So, after trying to get rid of that car for years, finally, on March 15th, we got him to sign the car title so that it would belong to my son. But before we could accomplish that, the car gave up. Just 15 days later. Now we could have cried. But we chose to laugh. It was stressful. But it has turned out wonderfully. Because the car my son picked out a few years ago, or one almost identical to it anyway, had just been traded in at the dealership where my brother works. Just 5 days later my son was the proud owner of that car! Making payments he wasn't supposed to make according to his dad's promises. But we will look at the good that is coming from this.
Broken promises. Lies. Lots of things have tried to get us down this week. But it's our focus that makes the difference. We are moving forward. Like my daughter often tells me, even after her credit score dropping because we are living on that credit card together right now, "you're okay. I gotcha lady". And we are okay. We are better than okay. Yes, I'm gonna say it. We are blessed!
I'm doing all I can to move forward. It's our choice. Stay where we are, go backwards, or move forward. I've even taken down my first photo I ever enlarged to poster size and framed. I replaced it with a new one. What does that have to do with anything? I was so proud of that picture. Had a special frame made for it even. But he was giving me a ride the day I picked up the picture. I heard his hidden phone vibrating in the backseat and calmly mentioned it. It made him mad. He was caught and he always made things my fault. So he stopped the truck, grabbed my picture and tried to push me and my belongings out. The picture, because it was wrinkled, always reminded me of that. But no more. I've moved forward and I love the replacement.
What's holding you back? Which direction are you going? We get sidetracked every now and then. But we are moving forward. Not in how we planned. But God is in our lives. He is using all we go through. If we let Him. And like I just keep being reminded, He causes ALL things to work together for good to those who love Him, to those who are called according to His purpose. Even this stuff. And I'm believing that. I gotta get it out sometimes so I can breathe. But I'm still believing it. How about you?
Monday, April 2, 2018
I Didn't Want It
I didn't want it. Never did. So please excuse me while I vent. 2 1/2 weeks ago it came to a head. Almost 29 years of my life that I had invested and he had used had come to that moment.
While I didn't want it, I chose to look for the good in it. God has taught me so many things through all of this. And for that I'm truly grateful. People have been telling me, ever since that day, that they can see joy in my eyes and hear happiness in my voice. And I love that!
But today I found out it's not over yet. I'm doing all I can to move forward. But we are still married. His attorney hasn't done his part yet. While he brags about being a 'free man' (I'm sure his girlfriend, or rather girlfriends appreciate that) he is still NOT free. At least not in the way he means.
More importantly, I can't move forward. I'm trying. I'm doing what I was told to do. And I'm eating way too many sweets while I wait.
What gets me is that he held it over my head for soooooo long. Over two years. And he's done the same thing before. Filed, came home, and held it over my head so that I had to do what he wanted in order for him not to follow through. Oh this time he kept a separate residence but was only there part of the time. It was still the same old torturous story. This time though, I said no more. I won't go down that road again. I deserve better.
So. I guess he thinks he's still in charge. Telling me he was divorcing me because he no longer needed me to take care of his mother after she died. Filing on the birthday of one of our kids and then staying at home for the next several weeks, acting like everything was normal. Didn't even tell me what he had done. Just kept coming home. Even after I got served. He kept coming home. Torture.
I'm sure he's told the other women that it's final now. Or else he's still telling them that I'm dragging it out or trying to keep it from happening. That's what he's told them for years and I've been harassed by them because of his lies. They felt sorry for him because of the lies he told them about me. Please.......
So, here I am, still waiting. I've waited for him to come home from work. Waited for him to come to dinner. Waited for him to stop hiding like a little kid at Wal Mart, watching me from behind displays. Waited for him to 'fully decide' about things. Waited for him to help parent. Waited for him to defend me when I was the victim. Waited for him to be who he said he would be. Waited for him to keep his promises. Waited for him to just be the man he claimed to be. And now I'm waiting for him to get the divorce over with that he has been holding over my head for oh so horribly long.
Again, thank you for letting me vent. I'm tired and hurting all over from anxiety at the moment. I know from experience it will get better. Praying. Trusting. And trying to take some deep breaths. I gotta practice what I preach and trust the Lord. I will. I really will.
While I didn't want it, I chose to look for the good in it. God has taught me so many things through all of this. And for that I'm truly grateful. People have been telling me, ever since that day, that they can see joy in my eyes and hear happiness in my voice. And I love that!
But today I found out it's not over yet. I'm doing all I can to move forward. But we are still married. His attorney hasn't done his part yet. While he brags about being a 'free man' (I'm sure his girlfriend, or rather girlfriends appreciate that) he is still NOT free. At least not in the way he means.
More importantly, I can't move forward. I'm trying. I'm doing what I was told to do. And I'm eating way too many sweets while I wait.
What gets me is that he held it over my head for soooooo long. Over two years. And he's done the same thing before. Filed, came home, and held it over my head so that I had to do what he wanted in order for him not to follow through. Oh this time he kept a separate residence but was only there part of the time. It was still the same old torturous story. This time though, I said no more. I won't go down that road again. I deserve better.
So. I guess he thinks he's still in charge. Telling me he was divorcing me because he no longer needed me to take care of his mother after she died. Filing on the birthday of one of our kids and then staying at home for the next several weeks, acting like everything was normal. Didn't even tell me what he had done. Just kept coming home. Even after I got served. He kept coming home. Torture.
I'm sure he's told the other women that it's final now. Or else he's still telling them that I'm dragging it out or trying to keep it from happening. That's what he's told them for years and I've been harassed by them because of his lies. They felt sorry for him because of the lies he told them about me. Please.......
So, here I am, still waiting. I've waited for him to come home from work. Waited for him to come to dinner. Waited for him to stop hiding like a little kid at Wal Mart, watching me from behind displays. Waited for him to 'fully decide' about things. Waited for him to help parent. Waited for him to defend me when I was the victim. Waited for him to be who he said he would be. Waited for him to keep his promises. Waited for him to just be the man he claimed to be. And now I'm waiting for him to get the divorce over with that he has been holding over my head for oh so horribly long.
Again, thank you for letting me vent. I'm tired and hurting all over from anxiety at the moment. I know from experience it will get better. Praying. Trusting. And trying to take some deep breaths. I gotta practice what I preach and trust the Lord. I will. I really will.
Sunday, April 1, 2018
Lonely
I'm lonely. It hit just before the last of the kids left this evening. I knew I was about to be alone so that empty, sad feeling just started creeping up inside until it reached my throat and choked out the tears.
We had a fun weekend. Most of the kids were here. In fact we had a table full for brunch this morning. Church was good. Then we had fun at lunch together too. Together. Until I was lonely. Really lonely.
I was kinda feeling sorry for myself. Then I talked to God a bit. And He reminded me of something. There was a time when Jesus was lonely. There were probably other times than this time, but, since today is Easter, the time that I was reminded of today was very important.
Jesus had been accused of things He didn't do. (Been there, done that.) He was abused. (Been there, done that.) Almost everyone in town was against Him. (Been there, done that because of the local fire department and the lies told about me by one of them and believed by others.) Then He was crucified, hung on a cross. God turned His back on Him. (Haven't been there. That has never happened to me.)
Jesus was utterly alone on that cross. He was completely alone. God turned His back on Jesus. He had to. For me. For you. It was the only way our sins could be forgiven.
Lonely. Yeah. I'm lonely. But I know there is no way my lonely could ever compare to the lonely Jesus felt that day. With my sins piled on Him and His Father turning His back to Him, well you know what a broken heart feels like? Jesus's heart really broke. Completely. Broke. Worse than something you or I could ever experience.
Jesus could have changed it. He was God. He could have said He wanted to come down off the cross and it would have happened. But He chose to be alone on that cross. Because He loves me so much. Because He loves you so much.
Being lonely hurts. It hurts inside, in a place that can't be touched. It hurts from head to toe. And, even though it hurts, we are never alone like Jesus was that day. God doesn't leave us. He doesn't turn His back on His children. He never moves away from us.
Am I still lonely. A little bit. But I know my Savior is with me. This 'feeling' will pass. And my Lord will never leave me. He loves us so much, it's almost unbelievable.
So I'm wondering. Do you know Him? Would you like to?
We had a fun weekend. Most of the kids were here. In fact we had a table full for brunch this morning. Church was good. Then we had fun at lunch together too. Together. Until I was lonely. Really lonely.
I was kinda feeling sorry for myself. Then I talked to God a bit. And He reminded me of something. There was a time when Jesus was lonely. There were probably other times than this time, but, since today is Easter, the time that I was reminded of today was very important.
Jesus had been accused of things He didn't do. (Been there, done that.) He was abused. (Been there, done that.) Almost everyone in town was against Him. (Been there, done that because of the local fire department and the lies told about me by one of them and believed by others.) Then He was crucified, hung on a cross. God turned His back on Him. (Haven't been there. That has never happened to me.)
Jesus was utterly alone on that cross. He was completely alone. God turned His back on Jesus. He had to. For me. For you. It was the only way our sins could be forgiven.
Lonely. Yeah. I'm lonely. But I know there is no way my lonely could ever compare to the lonely Jesus felt that day. With my sins piled on Him and His Father turning His back to Him, well you know what a broken heart feels like? Jesus's heart really broke. Completely. Broke. Worse than something you or I could ever experience.
Jesus could have changed it. He was God. He could have said He wanted to come down off the cross and it would have happened. But He chose to be alone on that cross. Because He loves me so much. Because He loves you so much.
Being lonely hurts. It hurts inside, in a place that can't be touched. It hurts from head to toe. And, even though it hurts, we are never alone like Jesus was that day. God doesn't leave us. He doesn't turn His back on His children. He never moves away from us.
Am I still lonely. A little bit. But I know my Savior is with me. This 'feeling' will pass. And my Lord will never leave me. He loves us so much, it's almost unbelievable.
So I'm wondering. Do you know Him? Would you like to?
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