Beauty from Ashes

     Just block her.  That's what I was told.  She had found my number connected to him on a website.  She didn't know who she was texting, but I was one of those who got a text.  'Sorry, not sorry that I caught you with your new girlfriend.'  Oh boy.  Here we go again.

     Over the years I had learned not to call him when this sort of thing happened because he wasn't going to answer.  But he might respond to a text.  When he told me this time to block her, I decided not to.  Oh I had in the past.  Had blocked many numbers that had brought harassment related to his infidelities.  But this time I decided to first see what she had to say.  But, more importantly, tell her about Jesus.
     It wasn't long before truth took over.  In many ways.  We discovered she had been lied to almost as much as I had.  He had just had lunch with her a week prior and made plans for their future.  She had no idea that he was living with this woman.  He told her that I had postponed the divorce over and over and she even knew all the court dates.  He failed to tell her that I had counterfiled on grounds of adultery and that he had denied committing adultery. He painted me as the horrible person who tortured him and himself as the innocent victim.
     Over the course of the next few days, I discovered this lady had been used and hurt for almost 4 years.  Strung along and lead to believe there would be a future.  But, at the same time, being harassed by another woman and discovering even more indiscretions than I even knew about.
     We became friends.  My heart hurt for her and her heart hurt for me.  We hurt for each other's kids.  Now that truth was really coming to light.
     Then, one year ago tonight, something happened.  I'll let her tell you.  Please click on this link to see what happened. 
Susie’s Story
     I hope you could hear through my tears.  That night I had no idea that she was in such deep despair.  I knew something was wrong.  But I didn't know how bad it was.  When it was all happening, when we were praying, it was just so amazing!  After years and years of women contacting me because of him, I was finally getting to be a part of God doing something big!
     You see, over the years I had had many calls, notes, social media messages, texts, you name it.  All informing me about his other relationships while we were married.  Some were women he had scorned and they were mad.  Some had caught him with another and still others had discovered we were still married even though he told them we weren't.
     There was a time when I would almost start the phone conversations asking the women if they knew Jesus.  One day I asked God to make it all stop.  I had just had too much.  I didn't want to deal with it anymore.
     It did stop for a while.  Only to start up again, larger and more involved.  My faith was questioned and mocked.  My kids suffered.  And more and more people were drawn in to the disgusting life he had followed the devil into.
     But back to my friend.  That night God had a plan.  He loved her so much that, He not only wanted to save her life, but He wanted to save her soul!  He wanted her to be His precious daughter!
     I didn't know, that night, what she was going through.  I just knew what God wanted me to do.  And then, almost two weeks ago, I got to witness her baptism. I can’t even begin to describe the joy!
     I can't tell you how many times I've asked the Lord to use this mess.  To take away the pain.  To let truth prevail.  Seeing the Holy Spirit all over her face in this picture just tells it all.  
What the devil meant for evil, God IS using for good! (Genesis 50:20).  And I am so thankful to be a part. And this video is absolutely beautiful. Beauty from ashes.
Susie’s Baptism

I Forget

   
   December.....no wait.  It's August.  It happens all the time.  You would think the weather would be a clue.  But when I was taking notes in church this morning and starting with the date, I started to write December.  Ugh.
   'Mom.  We just discussed this last week.'  I start trying to place the conversation and I can't even remember talking to him last week.  But I don't want him to think I don't care so I try really hard to catch up quickly on the subject at hand.  Responding as appropriately as I possibly can, but getting a funny look and knowing I'm probably way off.
     'Oh yeah.  You showed me those pictures yesterday.  That's great though!'  Less than 24 hours prior and I don't have a clue.  We talked?  About this?  I try all day but I just can't remember.  I could manufacture the conversation but I can't remember it.
     Now before you diagnose me with Alzheimer's or think I'm just plain rude, let me tell you that I have thought of both those things and quite a few things in between already.  Then I remembered something. Yes, I said it.  I remembered.
     What did we do before we had the Internet to tell us how to get where we were going, what we needed to eat, read, and what was wrong with us?  Of course that's where I went.  And, sure enough, there it was.  PTSD.
     Just when I think I'm getting away from those letters, they hit me again.  And one of the symptoms is short term memory loss.  But it's not just the loss of a conversation here and there.  Some days I can't remember what season it is!  Did we just have Christmas or is it coming soon?  I'm cold....is it because the air conditioning is too low or because it's winter?  I really don't know without stopping and thinking.
     Sometimes there's a little panic that accompanies the confusion.  I mean, if Christmas is here already, I've got a lot to do!  And, until I realized PTSD was the memory culprit, I wasn't sure if there might be something more serious going on.
     Not that PTSD isn't serious.  Boy, do I know it is.  There are days I hurt all over from it.  I can feel it trying to come out my arms like sweat through the pores except it's painful.  Yep.  That's another thing it does.  I'm tired of PTSD.
     So here's the deal.  I know God did not give this to me.  He gives us a sound mind.  And PTSD is certainly not sound mind material.  But you know what else I know?  He works all things together for my good even with this.
     For now I will keep on trusting.  Keep on believing.  Keep on praying.  And occasionally panic when triggered or thinking I need to get that turkey and dressing cooked but it's the middle of summer and not even close to Thanksgiving.  Now if I could just get my friends and family to realize I'm not crazy or rude or succumbing to Alzheimer's.  And someday I'm hoping we can all laugh about this.  Just not over the Thanksgiving Dinner I've prepared on the 4th of July.

Russian Spies!

     Can you believe it?!?!  I have Russian Spies reading my blogs!!!!!!  I never realized I was so important.  Wonder what they are looking for.......  Government secrets perhaps.  Yeah, that's probably it.  Especially since I have so many of those.  But how did they find me out?  I had such a good cover.  Just a normal mom who's trying to do her best.  

     Before you think I've totally lost my mind, here's the deal.  I'm not sure why, but someone is still 

'stalking' my blogs and trying to hid to do so.  How?  By using a proxy service to hide their IP.  The country they've chosen to hide behind most recently?  Russia.  Go figure.  So here I am.  Me and Donald Trump.

     Now if it was just the latest post, I wouldn't think anything of it.  But my Russian Spies have chosen to read specific blogs.  Those from when I first wrote about the truth of our lives. When we were letting healing begin.  I'm pretty sure that no one in Russia would really care to repeatedly go to those specific blogs.  I mean seriously.  What's it to Russia anyway?

     No.  It's someone involved.  And they aren't hiding as well as they think they are.  You know how people say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas?  Well here's the deal.  God is everywhere.  Whether you are in Las Vegas, NV,  Washington DC, or Moscow, Russia.  God is there.  He sees all.  He knows all.  Nothing can be hidden from Him.  

     And there is no proxy with God.  At least not one you can hide behind.  Oh you can pretend.  We can all pretend.  But there is no hiding.  He knows.  He doesn't approve.  But He has provided a way out.  Jesus.  

     For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son so that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life.  (John 3:16)  Jesus is the only way.  The only real Proxy is Jesus.  But we can't hide behind Him.  He took our place on the cross.  He died for our sins.  He was our proxy.  

     Would you like to know the real Proxy?  I would love to introduce you to Him.  His name is Jesus.  He knows your name.  And He's waiting for you.