I have been so stinkin' busy today. I am exhausted. And it is wonderful! Is everything great my life? Oh boy..... if you only knew. But I've realized something. I'm happy!
I honestly cannot tell you the last time I was really happy. Just the other day a comment was made about how well I hide the circumstances of my life. No matter what is happening I'm usually smiling. Very few people knew that that smile was only from the teeth out.
So what is making me happy? Nothing. Who is making me happy? No one. Nothing and no one can make you happy. It has to come from within. But my happiness has been buried under burdens for years. Depression rose up in my throat every morning, choking any chance for happiness. All disguised by a smile.
Then yesterday it started. I was almost afraid to believe it. The sickening lump in my throat was gone. I checked for it. I waited for it. It kinda tried to sneak in a time or two. But it left just as quickly as it arrived. And instead of sadness, happiness hit!
This morning I got up dancing and singing. Praising the Lord and smiling from deep down inside. I'm sure the dog wondered what was going on. But she just silently watched me experiencing joy.
Will I ever be sad again? I'm sure I will. How about depression? Well it has been a part of my life since long before I knew that's what it was. 'But God wants you to be happy' you might say. Hmmmmmm........ More than being happy, I believe God wants us to be holy.
How do we become holy? Jesus. Without Jesus I am nothing. Happiness doesn't really matter. Sadness doesn't matter. Absolutely nothing matters. If we don't have Jesus. Am I enjoying this newfound happiness? You can be sure I am! Am I holy? Well I know Jesus. I try to trust and obey Him. How about you? Do you know Him? Would you like to?
Friday, April 28, 2017
Sunday, April 23, 2017
And so.........
Giving God the Glory!
I believe in giving credit where credit is due. A couple of weeks ago I shared that I had some difficult issues I was facing. Friends prayed. We trusted the Lord. And He answered in a mighty way! While I do still have one ongoing issue that is being dealt with, a medical procedure this last week revealed absolutely no abnormalities in the other area. That was my God! After 3 years of abnormal test results and an additional scary diagnosis on top of that, there is no other answer for what happened. I truly consider it a miracle. And I am so overwhelmingly thankful.
Laughter
During tough times, laughter can be rare. And while I have been waiting these last few weeks, laughter has not been as often as it once was. Reminders of difficult times kept popping up in my mind. It was like the devil just wanted me to be down. But you know what? He is not in control of me!
So I found laughter where I could. Often with family. One of those times was last weekend when my daughter and I filmed for her YouTube channel. Check it out if you wanna laugh as I attempt to put on her makeup. While I will never be a make up artist, we had a blast! https://youtu.be/-ZrN1EhbLdc. She had to cut out about two-thirds of the fun even! That's probably a good thing...... I might lose all credibility if any more of my goofiness showed.
I'm Not Even a Big Fan of Apples
A couple of my kids talked me into buying an Apple Watch during this time of waiting. While my youngest son instructed me over FaceTime on my iPad, we paired it with my iPhone. I couldn't help but laugh when my technical skills were compared to grandma's. The next day my shoulder was really hurting. When I told my son about this, he kindly informed me that I did not have to throw my whole arm up in front of my face in order to see the watch. Oh........ Oopppssss...... well hopefully at least it added a calorie or two on my activity count!
And that brings me to another point. That calorie count on my watch make me get up and move! I don't like to fail. Not that I'm competitive. I just don't like to give up or fail. So some evenings when I have just a few calories to go, I stay on that simply fit board my kids got me for Christmas until I reach my goal!
Happiness
No life is not always sunshine and roses. We must choose to be thankful. We must choose to laugh . And we must remember that happiness comes from within. We can't depend on someone else to give it to us. But if they do share some of their own with us, well that's just a little added bonus.
.
I believe in giving credit where credit is due. A couple of weeks ago I shared that I had some difficult issues I was facing. Friends prayed. We trusted the Lord. And He answered in a mighty way! While I do still have one ongoing issue that is being dealt with, a medical procedure this last week revealed absolutely no abnormalities in the other area. That was my God! After 3 years of abnormal test results and an additional scary diagnosis on top of that, there is no other answer for what happened. I truly consider it a miracle. And I am so overwhelmingly thankful.
Laughter
During tough times, laughter can be rare. And while I have been waiting these last few weeks, laughter has not been as often as it once was. Reminders of difficult times kept popping up in my mind. It was like the devil just wanted me to be down. But you know what? He is not in control of me!
So I found laughter where I could. Often with family. One of those times was last weekend when my daughter and I filmed for her YouTube channel. Check it out if you wanna laugh as I attempt to put on her makeup. While I will never be a make up artist, we had a blast! https://youtu.be/-ZrN1EhbLdc. She had to cut out about two-thirds of the fun even! That's probably a good thing...... I might lose all credibility if any more of my goofiness showed.
I'm Not Even a Big Fan of Apples
A couple of my kids talked me into buying an Apple Watch during this time of waiting. While my youngest son instructed me over FaceTime on my iPad, we paired it with my iPhone. I couldn't help but laugh when my technical skills were compared to grandma's. The next day my shoulder was really hurting. When I told my son about this, he kindly informed me that I did not have to throw my whole arm up in front of my face in order to see the watch. Oh........ Oopppssss...... well hopefully at least it added a calorie or two on my activity count!
And that brings me to another point. That calorie count on my watch make me get up and move! I don't like to fail. Not that I'm competitive. I just don't like to give up or fail. So some evenings when I have just a few calories to go, I stay on that simply fit board my kids got me for Christmas until I reach my goal!
Happiness
No life is not always sunshine and roses. We must choose to be thankful. We must choose to laugh . And we must remember that happiness comes from within. We can't depend on someone else to give it to us. But if they do share some of their own with us, well that's just a little added bonus.
.
Saturday, April 8, 2017
I've Got It.......
Getting a medical diagnosis is usually not a fun thing. Getting two in one day, well that's a bit overwhelming. That was what my day was like this past Thursday.
You would probably expect me to go into detail here. And I will to a point. But this is very personal. More than I care to share at the moment. I find my mind reeling at times as I think about that day and what I have to face.
My first diagnosis of the day was one that was kind of expected. Not welcomed. But I had been referred from one doctor to another already to deal with it so I kind of knew a little bit about what was going on. Hopefully a medical procedure will put an end to it. It's a diagnosis I have dealt with before. Several times before as a matter fact. And treatment has always taken care of it. Very awkward and painful and not fun treatment. So that's what I have to look forward to there.
My second diagnosis of the day came as a shock. It was somewhat related to the first in that both diagnoses came because of the choices of someone else. The second diagnosis is not something that can be taken care of with a medical procedure. In fact I didn't even realize while I was still in the office what was going on. It was hours later before the words came back to me. I sat in silence realizing.........
I'm not asking for sympathy. Not trying to get attention. Been doing a lot of crying. But here's the thing. I am an overcomer. I am victorious. I proudly still proclaim Philippians 4:13. I don't expect the next few months to be easy. But I do know God is on my side. That day I felt Him holding me like I was a little girl sitting on the lap of her loving Daddy. And I know He's still holding me and smiling at me. Taking care of me.
I also know that I must continue standing in the gap. Praying for others who are prodigals, blinded by the enemy. My tears are not just for me. My God forgives. I want to be like Him. Even now. Even more.
You would probably expect me to go into detail here. And I will to a point. But this is very personal. More than I care to share at the moment. I find my mind reeling at times as I think about that day and what I have to face.
My first diagnosis of the day was one that was kind of expected. Not welcomed. But I had been referred from one doctor to another already to deal with it so I kind of knew a little bit about what was going on. Hopefully a medical procedure will put an end to it. It's a diagnosis I have dealt with before. Several times before as a matter fact. And treatment has always taken care of it. Very awkward and painful and not fun treatment. So that's what I have to look forward to there.
My second diagnosis of the day came as a shock. It was somewhat related to the first in that both diagnoses came because of the choices of someone else. The second diagnosis is not something that can be taken care of with a medical procedure. In fact I didn't even realize while I was still in the office what was going on. It was hours later before the words came back to me. I sat in silence realizing.........
I'm not asking for sympathy. Not trying to get attention. Been doing a lot of crying. But here's the thing. I am an overcomer. I am victorious. I proudly still proclaim Philippians 4:13. I don't expect the next few months to be easy. But I do know God is on my side. That day I felt Him holding me like I was a little girl sitting on the lap of her loving Daddy. And I know He's still holding me and smiling at me. Taking care of me.
I also know that I must continue standing in the gap. Praying for others who are prodigals, blinded by the enemy. My tears are not just for me. My God forgives. I want to be like Him. Even now. Even more.
Sunday, April 2, 2017
I Made It..........
OK so lately I have found myself wanting to be creative. It's almost like I have a bucket list for crafting. Why just today, for the first time in my life, I painted a painting. I'm not going to share it here because it kind of looks like it was done by a third-grader. And I used the paint that we used to paint our outdoor nativity many years ago. Some of my brushes were stiff and I got paint all over me. But still. I got to check it off my bucket list. And it was pretty fun so I think I'll be doing it again. Who knows. I might even move up to a junior high level if I keep trying.
Way back when I was actually in about the third grade we made a project at Vacation Bible School that I never forgot. An ice candle. Every now and then over the last 40 something years I would remember that candle and wish I could make another. We were each only allowed to make one and I always wanted a chance to do it again. So I started saving my almond milk cartons (I'm sure we didn't use almond milk cartons back then) and bought some wicks. Finally, last weekend, I did it! I made three ice candles! And somehow the first one turned out the exact same color as the original one that I made so many years ago. Wow. The ole bucket list is getting shorter.
Over the years my mom has quilted and crocheted blankets and afghans for our family. My grandma used to make all of our clothes. So part of my bucket list included being able to make something for my family. About 5 months ago I decided to make tie fleece blankets for everyone for Christmas. And I wanted to make them special for each person in our family.
With a huge stack of fleece hidden as best I could so no one would see what I was doing, I began my project. As I cut and tied the fleece, I prayed for the person I was making a blanket for. Each person was prayed for diligently as I tied from one corner of their blanket to the next. And when I presented them with the blankets and told them how they were covered in prayer, the sweetness that filled the room was amazing. One of the kids in particular thanked me later and said that he was overwhelmed to know that someone cared enough about him to pray for him as they tied each knot. And I suddenly knew the reason why I needed to make a blankets.
While working on this bucket list is fun, the best part has been being able to share God's love with my family through those blankets. Knowing my family is not just covered with a blanket but covered in prayer and in God's love is the sweetest part of my bucket list so far and more satisfying than checking off every single item on the list...........
Way back when I was actually in about the third grade we made a project at Vacation Bible School that I never forgot. An ice candle. Every now and then over the last 40 something years I would remember that candle and wish I could make another. We were each only allowed to make one and I always wanted a chance to do it again. So I started saving my almond milk cartons (I'm sure we didn't use almond milk cartons back then) and bought some wicks. Finally, last weekend, I did it! I made three ice candles! And somehow the first one turned out the exact same color as the original one that I made so many years ago. Wow. The ole bucket list is getting shorter.
Over the years my mom has quilted and crocheted blankets and afghans for our family. My grandma used to make all of our clothes. So part of my bucket list included being able to make something for my family. About 5 months ago I decided to make tie fleece blankets for everyone for Christmas. And I wanted to make them special for each person in our family.
With a huge stack of fleece hidden as best I could so no one would see what I was doing, I began my project. As I cut and tied the fleece, I prayed for the person I was making a blanket for. Each person was prayed for diligently as I tied from one corner of their blanket to the next. And when I presented them with the blankets and told them how they were covered in prayer, the sweetness that filled the room was amazing. One of the kids in particular thanked me later and said that he was overwhelmed to know that someone cared enough about him to pray for him as they tied each knot. And I suddenly knew the reason why I needed to make a blankets.
While working on this bucket list is fun, the best part has been being able to share God's love with my family through those blankets. Knowing my family is not just covered with a blanket but covered in prayer and in God's love is the sweetest part of my bucket list so far and more satisfying than checking off every single item on the list...........
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