Taking Our Baby Girl to College--And I Cried, And I Bawled, And I Boo-hooed

     Today we took our baby girl to college and I've been crying since Thursday.  She's ready.  I'm not.  Being a mom is hard!
     We have 5 kids.  The first 4 are boys.  Well, young men now.  We wanted a girl and had given up.  Then, four days before our youngest son's first birthday we got a surprise.  And she has been a surprise ever since!  We were going to have another baby and a few months later we found out she was a girl.  What a girl she is.  Head strong.  Determined.  Smart.  Self-assured.  Amazing.
     As the day approached for her to leave, it seemed like everything reminded me of sweet things involving her.  As I cooked one last family meal Saturday afternoon, hubby walked in the kitchen and found me upset.  I was remembering when Amy was an infant and in a baby carrier in the floor as I made dinner.  Her big brother, 21 month old Zack, came in and kissed her and patted her and said "Maimee, my Maimee".  And I cried and cried remembering.  In fact I have a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes as I write this right now.  Those two have been best buddies all their lives and he went with us today to make sure everything was set up correctly for his Maimee.
     When Amy was 4, she asked Jesus to live in her heart.  She knew what she was doing.  She meant it.  And she knew that doing so meant she would spend eternity with Jesus in Heaven.  A couple of months later on Easter she very excitedly announced that she wanted to go live with Jesus "right now!"  As a mom, it tore out my heart and made me so very happy all at the same time.  Even today she lives basically without fear and says that when it's her time, it's her time.
     Kindergarten for Amy was something she accepted as a matter of fact.  No crying or begging not to go like her mother had done as a child.  In fact, I just knew I would cry as I took her in so I asked if maybe she might want to go in by herself.  She was all for it!  Then I realized she had her backpack, lunchbox, kindergarten mat and supplies.  Way too much for a tiny almost 5 year old to handle.  When I told her I'd better go in with her because she had so much stuff she responded "Can't I just drag it?"  That's my Amy!
     We've tried and tried to talk her out of going away to school.  She could live at home like two of her brothers and attend college right here in her home town.  But she chose to go to the same college another brother went to.  Two hours away.   Dad suddenly became even more protective.  Hugs happened more often.  And it didn't matter how much we had to spend to make her dorm room feel homey.  Whatever she needed or wanted, we bought.  Dad even went shopping with us.
     So we made it there today.  We got her stuff unloaded and kinda in place.  Bought more stuff.  Went out to eat.  Visited two of her friends in their dorm rooms.  And I didn't shed a tear.  Until we started to drive off.  She didn't see me.  But I cried.  I bawled.  I boo-hooed.  I mean the tears flowed.  There was even an alert on our phones about a flash flood and it wasn't even raining.  Wondering if it was related to me and the other moms crying over their babies growing up and going away to college.
     What about those pictures of the first day of school?  No more.  What about those packets sent home on the first day and needed back by day two, completed with everything under the sun on them and literally taking up hours of my time?  What about school supplies?  A certain kind of glue.  This number of colored pencils in a package and not that number.   Dry erase markers.  Wait....we didn't even have a dry erase marker board.  Why did we need those?  But no more.  It's all in the past. 
     I finally stopped crying as we got nearer to home and we decided to stop and do a little shopping.  The two boys at home met us but I found I couldn't go in.  The shopping is usually done with Amy, not with the boys.  This wasn't right.  And I started crying again.  And I bawled.  And I boo-hooed.  I determined to sit in the car while dad and three sons shopped.  But I was needed and I had to go in.  Argh.  I went in, not looking at the areas where mom and daughter usually shop.  And we got it done.    Then I realized.  Oh no.  We still had to go home.  And I cried.  And I bawled.  And I boo-hooed.  I carried in all of the purchases plus some other stuff.  Tears flowing the entire time.  And I thought about the oafs I live with who just didn't understand and didn't want to.  Then, without me having a clue, hubby did something sweet.  As I sat on our bed, tears flowing, he sent the boys and the dog in to see me.  Guess they care after all.  I'm still gonna cry.  I'm a mom and it's ok.  But I'm also very thankful we raised an amazing, well adjusted daughter who thinks she is ready to take her place in this world. Yes, she's ready.  I'm not.  But that's ok.