I didn't want it. Never did. So please excuse me while I vent. 2 1/2 weeks ago it came to a head. Almost 29 years of my life that I had invested and he had used had come to that moment.
While I didn't want it, I chose to look for the good in it. God has taught me so many things through all of this. And for that I'm truly grateful. People have been telling me, ever since that day, that they can see joy in my eyes and hear happiness in my voice. And I love that!
But today I found out it's not over yet. I'm doing all I can to move forward. But we are still married. His attorney hasn't done his part yet. While he brags about being a 'free man' (I'm sure his girlfriend, or rather girlfriends appreciate that) he is still NOT free. At least not in the way he means.
More importantly, I can't move forward. I'm trying. I'm doing what I was told to do. And I'm eating way too many sweets while I wait.
What gets me is that he held it over my head for soooooo long. Over two years. And he's done the same thing before. Filed, came home, and held it over my head so that I had to do what he wanted in order for him not to follow through. Oh this time he kept a separate residence but was only there part of the time. It was still the same old torturous story. This time though, I said no more. I won't go down that road again. I deserve better.
So. I guess he thinks he's still in charge. Telling me he was divorcing me because he no longer needed me to take care of his mother after she died. Filing on the birthday of one of our kids and then staying at home for the next several weeks, acting like everything was normal. Didn't even tell me what he had done. Just kept coming home. Even after I got served. He kept coming home. Torture.
I'm sure he's told the other women that it's final now. Or else he's still telling them that I'm dragging it out or trying to keep it from happening. That's what he's told them for years and I've been harassed by them because of his lies. They felt sorry for him because of the lies he told them about me. Please.......
So, here I am, still waiting. I've waited for him to come home from work. Waited for him to come to dinner. Waited for him to stop hiding like a little kid at Wal Mart, watching me from behind displays. Waited for him to 'fully decide' about things. Waited for him to help parent. Waited for him to defend me when I was the victim. Waited for him to be who he said he would be. Waited for him to keep his promises. Waited for him to just be the man he claimed to be. And now I'm waiting for him to get the divorce over with that he has been holding over my head for oh so horribly long.
Again, thank you for letting me vent. I'm tired and hurting all over from anxiety at the moment. I know from experience it will get better. Praying. Trusting. And trying to take some deep breaths. I gotta practice what I preach and trust the Lord. I will. I really will.
While I didn't want it, I chose to look for the good in it. God has taught me so many things through all of this. And for that I'm truly grateful. People have been telling me, ever since that day, that they can see joy in my eyes and hear happiness in my voice. And I love that!
But today I found out it's not over yet. I'm doing all I can to move forward. But we are still married. His attorney hasn't done his part yet. While he brags about being a 'free man' (I'm sure his girlfriend, or rather girlfriends appreciate that) he is still NOT free. At least not in the way he means.
More importantly, I can't move forward. I'm trying. I'm doing what I was told to do. And I'm eating way too many sweets while I wait.
What gets me is that he held it over my head for soooooo long. Over two years. And he's done the same thing before. Filed, came home, and held it over my head so that I had to do what he wanted in order for him not to follow through. Oh this time he kept a separate residence but was only there part of the time. It was still the same old torturous story. This time though, I said no more. I won't go down that road again. I deserve better.
So. I guess he thinks he's still in charge. Telling me he was divorcing me because he no longer needed me to take care of his mother after she died. Filing on the birthday of one of our kids and then staying at home for the next several weeks, acting like everything was normal. Didn't even tell me what he had done. Just kept coming home. Even after I got served. He kept coming home. Torture.
I'm sure he's told the other women that it's final now. Or else he's still telling them that I'm dragging it out or trying to keep it from happening. That's what he's told them for years and I've been harassed by them because of his lies. They felt sorry for him because of the lies he told them about me. Please.......
So, here I am, still waiting. I've waited for him to come home from work. Waited for him to come to dinner. Waited for him to stop hiding like a little kid at Wal Mart, watching me from behind displays. Waited for him to 'fully decide' about things. Waited for him to help parent. Waited for him to defend me when I was the victim. Waited for him to be who he said he would be. Waited for him to keep his promises. Waited for him to just be the man he claimed to be. And now I'm waiting for him to get the divorce over with that he has been holding over my head for oh so horribly long.
Again, thank you for letting me vent. I'm tired and hurting all over from anxiety at the moment. I know from experience it will get better. Praying. Trusting. And trying to take some deep breaths. I gotta practice what I preach and trust the Lord. I will. I really will.
No comments:
Post a Comment