Happy For Real, Inside And Out—It’s Sock Skating Season!

     Ok so I've started sock skating again.  Yes, I've been told it's dangerous.  But it's sooooo much fun!  I just can't help myself!  And I'm getting pretty good at it, too.  Gliding down the hallway, I watch my form in the mirror and am amazed at the progress I've made!  I really think there should be a category for it on the Apple Watch exercise app.  I mean it's got elliptical, rower, even high intensity interval training.  So why doesn't it have sock skating?
     Actually I suppose my exercise might fit into that high intensity interval training.  I haven't actually opened that category but it sounds like it includes several types of exercise right?  So some days I not only sock skate, I hula hoop and I use my simply fit board.  I suppose that means I cross train but I'm not really sure.  But it makes sense to me.
     One thing I do is make sure that no one actually sees me exercise.  When I used to run in the neighborhood, that was different.  And probably considered normal.  But I have a feeling people would laugh at me and maybe even wonder about me if they saw me exercise today.  That's ok.  I'm having fun and burning calories at the same time!
     Having fun.  Wow.  Something I hadn't done a lot of, without a dark cloud over my head, in many years.  But I am having such a good time in my place in life right now!  If the outside world looked at the truth of my life over the past 22 years or so, they would wonder how I could smile, laugh, or be happy.  Well, smiling and laughing can be faked.  But happiness can't.  I'm doing all three, for real.
     This last week I have actually been able to say "I'm happy!" and feel it from the top of my head to the soles of my feet.  Am I happy every minute?  Of course not.  But I am happy!  I'm happy living alone.  I'm happy making things and saying things and doing things and knowing I won't be judged or put down or made fun of.   I'm happy going to bed when I want and getting up when I want.
     And those lines on my forehead?  They've almost gone away!  I know some lines are supposed to come with age.  But I had them for many years from looking through the blinds, watching for someone to come home.  Years and years of watching for promises kept.  Laying awake in bed in the middle of the night and listening for the familiar squeaks and creaks of the garage door going up.  Sometimes it did and sometimes it didn't.  And when it did, oh the relief I would feel.
     But it wasn't happiness.  It wasn't peace.  It was a reprieve from worry for a moment.  But today I can say I'm truly happy.  No more pretending.  No more looking one way on the outside and being a different way on the inside.
     Like our Christmas decorations on our house and in our yard.  They have always been beautiful.  But this year they are especially beautiful.  Why?  Because there is peace inside the house.  The lights on the outside are not just lights.  They are a symbol of the joy and love and peace inside my house.  My home.  I'm so thankful.  And now I can't imagine it any other way.